One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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