maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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