weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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