I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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