No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
