I am puke
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
