it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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