Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
