he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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