So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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