This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
