Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
