just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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