Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
