I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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