I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
