Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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