Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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