ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So here I am, sexting at work.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
