Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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