Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
