I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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