How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
