im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need moral support for this bender
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is Oprah even human
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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