Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
