Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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