can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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