I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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