Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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