they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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