hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
