haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
