Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
