Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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