HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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