I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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