I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
pray to the hookup gods
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
