i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
