My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
