the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
