I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
