I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
