You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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