I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
