Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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