I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
