You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
