Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
