i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
