Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
