I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize