1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
