I'm going to jail i love you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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