you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
