How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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