if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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