Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
