you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
