I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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