I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
