I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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