Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
