I could make wine with my vomit
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize