I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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