you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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