i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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