my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
