found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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