K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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