If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
